Lemon Turd

Ya’ll, something possessed me to try making lemon curd. I squeezed the life out of a bunch of lemons, added butter to the pan and started it melting, then went to the pantry for sugar. Alls I had was coconut sugar. In case you’re not familiar, coconut sugar is basically brown sugar for hippies.

Let’s just say my curd came out dark yellow; and by dark yellow I mean a rich caramel; and by rich caramel I mean brown. I got a nice, lemming-turd brown instead of a bright, lemon-curd yellow. So in the Appearance category I scored a “bes’ keep yer eyes shut.” The texture was decent after I strained off some of the overcooked egg mush and let the rest settle to the bottom. I’m incapable of describing the flavor. It tastes like confusion. In rapid succession I sense the sweet, then the tart, then the hippie and it short circuits my neurons so my brain can’t tell if I like it or not. Which means I’m going to keep tasting it until I reach a conclusion or the bottom of the jar, or until my tongue swells up and falls off.

Should you try this at home? If you eat cajun flavored kale chips with your peppermint ice cream, then yes. I dunno, maybe even add some garlic and nutmeg to jazz it up. Otherwise, play it safe and buy your lemon curd from the professionals.

P.S. In the interest of verifying scientific results by including multiple test subjects, I put some of my “lemon turd” on the dessert I’m bringing to the company picnic this evening. If you never hear from me again, I may have been lynched.